Owning horses is over rated

When people ask me what I do out side of work, their faces always light up when I say I have horses. I think most people have been through a bit of a pony phase at some point in their childhood, because they are enchanting beasts.

Lots of people are deluded in thinking I have loads of money, and laugh when I say I have a riding lesson. Don't I already know how to ride?! I think non-horse people think I live in a magical land full of unicorns.

The reality is that all the money I have I spend on horses. I will never be an amazing rider and will never stop learning how to ride. And owning horses is HARD.

It is miserable, heartbreaking, hardening, stressful, and a really terrifying emotional roller coaster. I HATE roller coasters.

This year has been one of my toughest as a horse mum. I made some really heartbreaking decisions and seriously questioned why I do it.
I miss her EVERY day. 

Owning horses really makes me have a good hard look at myself and my physical and mental flaws. It pushes me to my limits and tests me.

Horses hurt themselves so often. And since going through everything with Dakota, I am more paranoid than ever. When Coolie was lame last week, I was stressed and thought the worst immediately. Today, Henry has a fat, hot leg. I thought the worst immediately. Coolie is fine, and I am pretty sure Henry has a small cut that is a bit infected and will be right as rain, but trying to convince myself that is actually impossible. I just wish they could tell me what is wrong with them!
This is what stress looks like 

This year I have had to really assess my goals and how achievable they are. What is holding me back from 105? My confidence. Even though all the training is there, mentally I am not ready. And it took me SO MUCH to be ok with that.
Really scary!

Every time I push Henry to do a little bit more, or do something a little bit harder, I get scared he will become bucking bronco because of horses I have had in the past. I seriously question why I got a young OTTB on an almost daily basis. I worry I am ruining him, or that I am not good enough to bring him on.
Clearly a bronco

Owning horses is dirty, exhausting, and I think i would cry way less without them.

But I love it. I love every second I am with them, I love every ride, and when we achieve something no matter how small the feeling is incredible.

The problem is I love everything about horses, from picking up their shit, to flying with them, their smell, and their faces when they seem me coming with their food.

The hard times are just what comes with owning horses. And the hard times make the good time just so much better.

Today is a hard day, but I know when I go and see those cute faces it's going to be so much better.


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