Rebuilding confidence

We have had many, many adventures since I last posted. I have written a lot of posts in my head, and started quite a few too but it hasn't got further than that.

There are a few reasons why... I have been jumping much smaller and though I'm fine with that, but it just doesn't feel inspiring or worthy to document in micro detail. The other reason, I hate the way I look right now, I'm just not as strong and fit as I used to be, which I am working on. 

After my fall at the end of August, it's safe to say my confidence jumping has been very shaky. One of the biggest problems I had was I didn't feel secure in the saddle like I used to pre baby when I was very fit and strong. So step 1. get fitter and stronger.

I have been struggling with fitting extra exercise in but I had a brainwave and my dads exercise bike came to live at our house. Every nap time I'm on the bike and then I do pilates. I'm noticing a big difference, 10 weeks into this regime.

Step 2 was to jump little and often. I am someone that if I don't do it regularly I get in my head and make it worse. So little and often it was, which was REALLY hard. I was so, so nervous, even the tiniest jumps felt impossible. But I wanted to so I just kept plodding.

I went to the last few comps of the season and did low rounds and had success. I ended the season on a positive note with good memories, rather than ending on a fall and a broken bone.

Step 3, get Henry in front of my leg. He's not been forward or had much impulsion for a while, and I haven't really addressed it. So I started addressing that gaping training hole. It's improving all the time, and he's getting fitter and stronger.

Step 4 was to have lessons. And tonight I had a brilliant lesson. We jumped a grid, I felt strong and secure and the jumps were starting to get back up to where we were before. Jumping through the grid was perfect, I just had to focus on my position and the quality of the canter and let the jumps happen. So I didn't worry about how high, just the process, and the jumps happened by themselves. And each jump was pretty great. We met them well, had a good canter pretty much the whole time and my position was so much more solid. 

Henry is super and has looked after me well since my fall, and he always tries his best and I have never appreciated him more.